Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
