that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
