My first STD was from a foam party
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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