Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Randomize
