the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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