Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
