you would pick up someone in the library
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
