I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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