So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
