after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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