weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Randomize
