My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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