i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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