i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
