i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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