The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
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Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
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I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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