I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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