I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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