I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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