apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
