What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
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