This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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