Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
