Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
