dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
