His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
