smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
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Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
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I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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