you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
