If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
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