a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
