well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
they need to just BURY HIM!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
