I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
