YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
