He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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