Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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