So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
