I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
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