In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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