You just made me feel so damn special
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
