I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
