Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Randomize
