you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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