pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
