They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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