Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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