Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
