sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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