i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
