Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
