Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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