mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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