I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
