five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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