So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He better not be in your backpack
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
