he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize