Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
