don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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