drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
