At least make sure they are 18
Why
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
