sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
my liver is dry heaving
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
