It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
