Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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