Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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