Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
